This is also kind of about Chuseok, but more about some personal experiences with my family, so if this already bores you, go ahead and skip this entry :)
So my mom just visited for about 2 weeks because she is from Seoul but hasn't really been back here in about 10 years or so. She came for Chuseok and we went to see her family, who live in Uijeongbu.
This might get a little wordy, but basically it was just such an amazing experience.
Pretty much none of my family can speak English, and I do not know much Korean at all, so most of the time I was sitting and smiling and trying desperately to follow the conversation. Bits of the conversation that I picked up on were things like "Bad mom" for not teaching me Korean and "Eat a lot." I'm obviously learning Korean at a voracious speed...
Regardless of the ease (or lack thereof) of our communication, it was still a great experience. I met 3 of my mom's brothers and 2 of her sisters, and realized that almost all of my cousins are married and have children, some of them my age. So basically I have several relatives ages 16-18 that have to call me 이모. It makes me feel so old! haha
My cousins are also learning English in school, and are supposedly pretty good at it, but whenever my aunt told them to speak to me, they got really shy and refused. My 7- and 8-year old cousins were the only ones who tried, but basically they just kept shouting "Hello!" and "Good morning!" at me (even though it was late at night) and then running away laughing and embarassed. Probably a highlight of my night.
But on the day of Chuseok we did all the traditional things-we set up a large table with tons of great food for my grandparents and all did the traditional bows and drink pouring. There was also a smaller set up for my eldest uncle, who also passed away several years ago. This is going to sound really cheesy, but being there with my family and participating in this sacred tradition was just really emotionally taxing.
I was just standing there, thinking about this entire part of my life that I've missed for 19 years. Before I came to Dartmouth, I was so, SO removed from my Korean heritage. I didn't even think about ever learning the language and I would have NEVER thought to visit and meet my family here. But my Korean relatives were SO nice to me and want me to keep visiting while I'm here. And I love them but it just makes me so frustrated that we can't communicate well. And then I thought about my sisters and brother who still don't know about this part of our life. And then when we sat down to eat, my mother gave me my grandmother's rice bowl, and yeah...it was just too much.
I used to think that since we lived in America, we were supposed to be "white" and speak English and do American things. And I am half white and I grew up in a primarily white area and went to white schools so it was very easy to forget about the other half of my heritage. But it has become so
important to me to have this Korean part of my life and continue to pass it on. Korean people are just so proud of their country and their culture and it makes me really sad that I ignored it for so long. And makes me wonder what it will be like when I go back home, and try to explain and share this with my other 3 siblings, who are still very removed from the culture.
It also made me respect and admire my mom a lot more. I realized how hard it must be for her to have lived in the U.S. for all these years, never really visiting her family or friends in the place she grew up in, never being able to speak her native language with her own children, knowing a very different set of values and traditions, and putting all of these things aside so that her children can grow up fully "Americanized."
Whether or not it was a good thing that she didn't push her culture upon us, it's definitely a part of me that I don't want to ignore anymore.
SORRY for the long post, but I just had to get this out. It's probably only interesting to other white-washed halfies...or maybe not even them...hm awkward...
ALSO
Last weekend all 5 of us Dartmouth kids went on a Jeju-do trip with a bunch of other international students. Epic post/pictures to be updated soon...
